


Awkward

by spoilersweetie



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-22
Updated: 2012-12-20
Packaged: 2017-11-08 08:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/441238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoilersweetie/pseuds/spoilersweetie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor finds out that being in a 'relationship' with the time-travelling daughter of your two best friends can sometimes make things rather...awkward...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That Awkward Moment When...

**Author's Note:**

> This has been up on ff.net since I started writing it last year but I've decided to put all my DW fics up on here too because...well I kind of like it here :) Maybe more than over there. Lol. Anyway I started writing this before the end of the last season so most of this was written before TWORS and so obviously I dind't know they were married then and if things don't make sense with canon that's why :) It's maybe AU although most chapters could probably slot in somwhere I suppose, but I kind of see it as River travellling with them for short periods of time/popping in regularly while Amy and Rory are travelling with the Doctor. They know she's their daughter, so it's after LKH for them, somewhen before TWORS? Idk. Whatever. Just...don't take it too seriously and enjoy! Lol :)

“Right, so,” Amy Pond’s Scottish voice rings out through the Tardis as she and her husband enter the console room. “We’re gonna go see my parents, then pop round Rory’s, let them know we had fun on our honeymoon, we’re both safe and sound blah, blah, blah, and married life and everything’s great…” she pauses to catch her breath. “And then we’ll be back. Should only be a few hours so please, please don’t disappear or fly off for some adventure while you wait, I know you and your time keeping skills you probably wouldn’t be back til we’re thirty.”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m a time lord, therefore my time-keeping skills are excellent.” The Doctor argues. 

Amy fixes him with a look that makes him shuffle a bit. “Well,” he says, “Usually.”

“Yeah. No leaving, alright? Promise?”

“Fine, promise,” the Doctor mumbles sulkily. 

“So,” comes another voice just as River appears at the top of the stairs, smoothing her dress down as she descends them, her high heels clinking loudly on the metal floor. “Where have we landed? And it better be somewhere glamorous, don’t forget sweetie you promised me dancing…” Her voice trails off as she spots Amy and Rory in jeans by the door with bags in their hands. She turns to look at the Doctor inquisitively. 

“Sorry River,” Amy says as she opens the Tardis door. “Dancing will have to wait - me and Rory need to pop home, you know - check up on the family and all that - so stay outta trouble while we’re gone.”

River pouts a bit. “But I was so looking forward to dancing,” she sighs. 

The Doctor raises a finger. “Well, _you know_ , while you’re gone me and River could just pop to -”

“No.” Amy interrupts firmly, her expression stern and the Doctor’s shoulders slump. 

“Just…just stay put - okay?”

“Fine,” he grumbles. 

“Don’t worry dear I’ll keep him in line,” River winks at her mother. 

“Good. Okay. We’ll see you in a bit. We should only be a few hours,” Amy tells them as she walks out of the blue doors. 

“A few hours? It’s your _mother,_ ” Rory argues. 

“Oh shut up.” 

The doors close and a short silence falls as the Doctor looks sulky and River looks disappointed - until she looks over at him and her face lights up. 

“So…” River begins, a slightly mischievous look on her face as she saunters round the console towards the Doctor, running her hands absently over the controls. “Doctor.”

The Doctor leans back against the console, folding his arms as a small smile dances on his lips. “River.” He answers her back. 

“We’re all alone.”

“It would appear so.”

“And stuck in the Tardis.”

“Apparently.”

“Whatever can we do?”

“Well, I…wait, was that a trick question?”

She laughs softly as she stops in front of him, reaching out to grab him by the lapels of his coat. “Oh, come here,” she says, before kissing him deeply. 

The Doctor responds quickly, all the shyness he once felt with her now gone, and he wraps his arms round her curvaceous form, pulling her close. She moans into his mouth and he pulls away, leaning back a little to let his eyes glide up and down her body as his hands skim her sides. “This is a very nice dress,” he tells her admiring the way the shimmering dark blue material clings to her. 

She smiles. “Thank you sweetie, I knew you’d like it. After all, you did buy it for me.”

He raises his eyebrows then smirks. “Spoilers.” He throws at her.

She winks. “Only a little one.”

He leans down to kiss her again and she quickly tugs his shirt out from his trousers, running her hands up underneath it, letting them glide over his stomach. As her tongue finds his once more the Doctor briefly lets his fingers tangle in her curly hair then slides them down over her body again. “Mmm,” River moans before parting briefly from his mouth. “I want you,” she breathes and the Doctor growls low in his throat before grabbing hold of her waist and spinning them so he can lift her onto the Tardis console. The ship groans loudly in response.

The Doctor pulls back to look at River. “Sorry old girl. Maybe we shouldn’t do this here…”

“Oh,” River smiles, “She doesn’t mind.”

“How do you know that?” She raises an eyebrow and he catches on quickly. “Right. Spoilers.”

He steps back between her legs and his mouth finds hers again. She takes hold of his hands and places them on her thighs and he obediently begins sliding them upwards, taking the hem of her dress with them while her own hands find their way under his shirt again. She moans softly at the feel of his hands on her bare thighs and he fingers the lacy material of her knickers briefly before slipping his hand inside and finding new ways to make her moan. 

River drags herself closer to him, pressing her body against his and throwing her head back. “Oh sweetie, she breathes, “Don’t stop!”

“I don’t intend to,” he informs her in a low voice in her ear, before they kiss once more.

\--

“I’m telling you it’s not in here!” Rory tells his wife for the third time. 

“Well check the other bag!”

“This is the other bag, I’ve checked both, it’s definitely not here!”

“For crying out loud Rory, you only had four presents to remember, how could you have forgotten it!?”

“I don’t know, I told you I thought I’d already packed it.”

“I know what this is - you just don’t want to go visit my mum do you? This is so you can get out of it!”

“Don’t be ridiculous Amy - look, we haven’t gone far, we’ll just go back and get it.”

Amy huffs loudly. “Well come on then. It’s back that way.”

\--

River is moaning loudly, kissing the Doctor for all she’s worth as she grinds herself against him and he grunts in response. “Take them off,” she mutters as he fumbles with her underwear, wanting to be as close as possible to him now, and he hooks his fingers in the top of her knickers and -

The door opens. 

“Mum, dad!” River gasps, startled, pushing the Doctor away from her as she jumps off the console and scrambles to get her dress down. 

“This is not what it looks like!” The Doctor immediately exclaims, face beetroot red as he too fumbles awkwardly with his clothes. 

River rolls her eyes, calm now the initial surprise has worn off. “It is what it looks like,” she addresses Amy and Rory unabashedly. “Or almost was,” she adds, more to herself, and Rory opens his mouth as if to say something but instead just turns to glance at Amy who is for once, stunned into silence. “And would have been if you hadn’t have walked in,” River continues quickly as she starts to back away, rambling a little now the embarrassment has started to kick in, “which we obviously weren’t expecting you to do or it most definitely wouldn’t have been happening in here, would it sweetie?”

“Uh -”

She grabs the stuttering Doctor by his sleeve and starts to drag him with her. “So, awkward as this has been I think we’d better be going now to continue elsewhere…”

“What!” The doctor gasps, looking at her in shock and back to Amy and Rory. “She doesn’t mean that, she’s joking, we weren’t doing anything!” He swears, laughing nervously as he continues backing away with River. “Just um… - the Tardis! We were er…” he looks to River for help who does nothing but raise an eyebrow. “Well we were just…uh…fixing…it…?”

“Oh for -” River exclaims, exasperated, and grabs his arm again, turning to tug him out of the room with her, “Come on!” She pauses as she reaches the door and turns back to look at Amy and Rory who both still appear to be in shock and interrupts Amy as she opens her mouth to speak with, “And yes mum and dad - we are being careful.” And with that she leaves quickly with the Doctor as Rory claps his hands over his ears. 

“Well.” Says Rory after a moment of gaping after the pair. “That wasn’t weird. Or slightly disturbing. Seeing the Doctor and my grown up daughter…who was only just born a few months ago…who I’ve known longer than that…”

Amy pats his shoulder. “Yeah.”

\--

“Well.” The Doctor says as he shuts the bedroom door behind them, running a hand over his still pink face. “That was embarrassing. Not to mention awkward…I’m never going to be able to look your parents in the eye again,” he tells River, meaning to be light hearted but instead ending up sounding as serious as he feels about it. 

River chuckles, moving across the room to sit on the bed as she kicks her heels off. “It’s not really that bad sweetie, and I don’t know why you feel embarrassed anyway - they’re my parents.”

“Just - because!” He exclaims as he flails his arms around and starts pacing, running a hand through his hair. “They’re you’re parents - they’re Amy and Rory and they’re your _parents!_ And now they’re going to know that I - that we - we, we…” More arm waving and River laughs again. 

“Oh come on, it’s not like they didn’t already know we’re sleeping together sweetie,” she tells him, raising an eyebrow and delighting in making him blush even darker.

“What!” He splutters. “Of course they didn’t know - what makes you say they know!”

“Well,” she tells him calmly as she stands to unzip her dress and shimmy out of it, “apart from the fact that Rory tried to give me ‘the talk’ last week - not something a girl wants to hear from her dad when he’s about ten years younger than her - I think it’s pretty obvious when we’re sleeping in the same room dear.”

“Yes but - they don’t know that!”

She rolls her eyes. “Of course they do.” She walks over to him. “Now can we please stop talking about my parents and finish what we started before we were interrupted?”

He shakes his head firmly. “Nope, sorry. Not in the mood anymore. I couldn’t - not after that!”

She raises an eyebrow and holds his gaze as she reaches round behind her and unclasps her bra, letting it drop to the floor before hooking her thumbs in the top of her knickers and sliding them down her legs to join her bra on the floor. 

The Doctor swallows hard, his eyes sliding down over her and back up to meet hers. There’s a short pause as they stare at each other and then a smile quirks at his lips. 

“Mood’s back.”

She laughs as he wraps his arms round her and backs her across the room towards the bed, his mouth finding hers with a happy moan.


	2. Girl Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should have mentioned it before, this is a series of one shots, not one entire story. Just so nobody's confuuused :) Decided to name the chapters too, since they're each their own little story :)
> 
> Also I had to edit the crap out of this one, I only wrote these like...last year, but I think my writing must have changed a lot over a year because some of it seems dreadful to me now lolll.

It has taken some getting used to, the fact that River Song, this smart, strong, incredible woman that, if she’s honest with herself, she used to admire quite a bit, is in fact her daughter. But Amy Pond thinks she’s come to terms with it, and is pleased that over the last week that they’d been travelling together (just for a short while though, River had insisted - can’t be messing with time by making things too linear) the two had formed a unique bond.

It wasn’t quite the best-friend bond they used to have, or the conventional mother-daughter relationship…but it was somewhere in between. And it was real. Strange as it was to think, she did love River, and she thought - hoped - River loved her too. 

The day had consisted of another adventure, ending in - as they more often than not do with the Doctor - a lot of running and a life-death situation. The two women were nursing sore feet; the Doctor had promised them fine dining and they had worn footwear appropriate for the occasion. Unfortunately, high heels were not very appropriate for the activities they _did_ end up doing. And so they’d ended up in one of the Tardis’ lounges, both slumped on the comfortable brown sofa which was heaven for their aching legs, with a bottle of wine in front of them and glass each in their hands. 

“I swear that man will be the death of me.” River confides in her friend/mother, grumbling as she rubs her foot. “Next time I go anywhere with him in heels I’m brining a change of footwear.”

“Yeah right. We should’ve known better - don’t think I’ve ever gone somewhere with him that didn’t end in something trying to kill us.”

They laugh together and both take sips of their wine. 

“You know,” Amy says, “When I first started travelling with him I thought he was so amazing, that he was this…this hero. Like my knight in shining armour or something. Now I’ve realised he _puts_ me in more danger than he saves me from.” Amy jokes, laughing a little. 

“What was he saving you from to start with?”

Amy looks guilty at saying so but admits, “Rory.” At River’s raised eyebrows she continues. “No I always loved him don’t get me wrong, I did know I wanted to be with him but you know… _marriage._ It’s such a big word. Such a…scary word. It means forever. Tied down to one person forever…I guess I kinda just wanted one last fling or something. So I ran off with this crazy man I’d met when I was a girl who’d come back to whisk me off in his blue box..” She appears lost in thought and gives herself a little shake and smiles at River. 

River is looking at her intently. “Did you love him?”

“The Doctor? No, no. I love Rory, always have. It was more, I don’t know. Fascination with him.”

River suddenly looks a little worried and very inquisitive. “You and the Doctor never…?” She trails off meaningfully, raising her eyebrows at Amy.

“No!” The redhead laughs a little and River seems to breathe a sigh of relief. “No, no, no. Not saying I never tried…but,” she laughs. “Oh he wasn’t having any of it.” 

Amy turns to look at River who is staring at her with her eyebrows raised even higher now.

“Oh come on,” the Scot defends herself, “Girl gets whisked off on adventures by some gorgeous time-travelling genius…you think there’s any way she wouldn’t try and sleep with him at some point?”

River gapes at her, laughing a bit. She hardly dares to ask; “What did you _do??”_

“Oh you know just sort of…” She cringes as she peeks over at River, “threw myself at him…”

River laughs loudly as Amy buries her head in her hands. “Shut up, I know. But I was young ok. And just about to get married and confused and the Doctor was so…the Doctor! Oh it’s awful when I think about it now and what must he have thought I mean I was literally like, all over him…”

“Ok. Thanks mother. So not an image I needed in my head.” She takes a sip of her wine.

Amy bites her lip, laughing a little. “Sorry. You did ask. Anyway it’s not like anything happened…well he did sort of kiss me back for a bit…but then he pushed me away. Oh my God you should have seen his face he didn’t know what to do!”

They laugh together. “I can imagine. I mean in nine hundred years you’d think he’d have figured out how to handle women but sometimes he can just be so -”

“Clueless!” Amy says at the same time as her, laughing. “I know right! He just looked so uncomfortable it was hilarious really, now I think about it!”

“Oh he still gets like that. Especially if you take him by surprise, sometimes it’s like he just doesn’t know _what_ to do he gets so embarrassed. Bless!” She chuckles to herself, a mischievous grin on her face and Amy gives a short laugh and then looks over at River and bites her lip. 

They both seem to simultaneously realise just what they’ve been discussing and their smiles fade and Amy looks away and fidgets a bit. River clears her throat.

“Right.” River says.

“Ok.”

“…”

“Yeah this conversation’s getting a little…”

They look at each other and say the same word together; “awkward.”

More throat clearing and Amy tucks her hair behind her ear.

River reaches to the table in front and picks up the bottle of wine. “Top up?”

“Definitely.”

The curly haired woman fills both their glasses and they sip it quietly, the stiff silence making it unbearably obvious that they are both thinking about the same thing. A few moments pass before Amy is unable to keep quiet any longer and pipes up; “So…what’s he like?”

River just manages to stop herself from spitting out her mouthful of wine in surprise and gulps it down to stare at Amy. “You’re asking _me this?_ ”

“Well…yeah. Oh come on I know but…I’ve gotta know, is it all like…I don’t know…timey and…weird?”

“Timey!?”

“Shut up, you know what I mean! Is it just like being with a normal guy or is it…different?”

There is a pause as River stares at the redhead. “You do remember who I am?”

Amy lightly slaps her knee. “Of course don’t be stupid.”

“And you’re asking your daughter…what it’s like having sex with your best friend?”

The Scot has the decency to blush. “Oh my god you make it sound terrible! But it’s not like that because - well it shouldn’t be awkward and weird because we’re not like that are we? I mean, River…you’re Mels…well you were. We used to share everything…and now you’re older than me and so it’s not really like I’m your _mum_ …”

“No…except you _are_ mother. And we are not having this conversation.” River moves to get up but Amy grabs her by the arm and pulls her back down. 

“Oh River come on. Just tell me one thing please?” She gets a mischievous look on her young face. “…Is he good?”

River laughs. “Nine hundred years Amy. What do you think?”

Amy snorts. “Really good?”

River stares hard at her. “I am _not_ telling you.”

She pouts. “Please?”

“No!”

“Oh River,” Amy whines. “ _Mels_ …Come on - when you were fifteen and you lost it to Brett Reed in the bathroom at Jamie’s party you told me _every detail_ …wait… _oh my God!_ ” Amy’s face goes a bit pink and then she slaps River on the arm. Hard. 

“Ow!”

“You were too young! What were you thinking!?”

River frowns and opens her mouth to argue but her mother plunges on. 

“And I can’t believe you told me that - you knew who I was then right? Oh my God…that’s things a mother does _not_ need to know about her daughter…”

River rolls her eyes. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you Amy. And yes, I did know who you were then but it wasn’t really _like that_ in my head, I mean…we grew up together, we were the same age and you were just my friend. I always knew in the back of my mind but sometimes I guess I…forgot. Or didn’t really think of it. Or didn’t quite believe it…I don’t know.”

Amy suddenly looks sad. “This is so messed up.”

River just shrugs. “It’s how it’s always been…” She pauses for a moment as her trained senses kick in and then rolls her eyes. “And Doctor - didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to eavesdrop?”

There’s a short pause and then the Doctor appears round the corner of the doorway behind the sofa they are sitting on, looking sheepish. 

“Doctor!” Amy scolds in shock.

“Well how could I help it when you’re talking about me? And how do you do that?” He asks River in bewilderment. 

“All those years being trained to kill you sweetie. Picked up a few skills I can’t get rid of.”

The Doctor grumbles. 

“Um, what exactly did you just hear?” Amy asks crossly. 

The Doctor smirks a little, looking very pleased with himself, and straightens the lapels of his jacket. “Nine hundred years is a long time.”

River closes her eyes in exasperation. “Oh I hate him.” She declares. 

“No you don’t.” He tells her smugly.

“You should not haven been listening to that, that was…girl talk!” Amy scolds him. 

“Yes, figures that that would be what you girls would be talking about, you know you’re all the same. Leave a couple of girls together for a while and what does the conversation turn to? Boys and sex.” He practically spits the word out and River gives him a meaningful scolding look. 

“Don’t pretend you’re above it sweetie. You forget who you’re talking to.”

His previous cockiness gone with her words, the Doctor goes a little red and shifts about on his feet.

“Right.” Amy steps in, deciding to save him from his own embarrassment. “Okay the subject of this conversation is getting weird with…” She points at each of them in turn, “daughter, friend - in the room together so…I’m going to bed.” She puts down her wine glass and leans over to give River a quick hug, planting a kiss on her cheek. “Night River.”

“Night Amy, sleep well.”

“Night Doctor,” Amy says, placing a hand on his shoulder as she walks past him then turns before she leaves the room. “And you two…behave!” She points a finger at them sternly although there’s a small smile on her face. 

River waves her off, laughing a little “Go to bed mother.”

Amy laughs as she leaves the room. 

River takes a sip of her wine then turns her head, about to ask the Doctor to join her but the words die on her lips when she find him giving her a piercing stare. 

She raises her eyebrows. “What?”

“Who’s _Brett Reed?”_

He pronounces the name with such disdain that she has to throw back her head and laugh. 

“Oh…just someone from a past life sweetie.”


	3. His Bad Girl

Meeting River Song here, on planet Elzon in the thirty-ninth century, had really been a complete surprise. 

Of course, once the Doctor had found out she was here he’d looked for her - but the fact that he and she had both come to be in the same time and place quite by accident had certainly been a surprise - and quite the co-incidence. He had strong suspicions the Tardis had something to do with it, especially since he’d been aiming for the fortieth century not the thirty-ninth (big party - took over the whole planet and lasted the whole century; he’d thought it might be nice for them to have some un-dangerous fun for once). Of course, the old girl always had liked River. 

There had been no party where they’d found each other, only a lot of running, sticky-lasso-wielding-alien-monsters and a lot of shooting (on River‘s part). Anyway they were back on the Tardis now, with Amy and Rory still out there somewhere, probably still running or…something. Right now neither could find it in themselves to care. They had a time machine - they could go and save her parents later. 

“I like you without the bowtie,” River tells him softly as she runs her hand down the bare chest his open shirt is displaying. She is seated comfortably atop him on the old-fashioned swivel chair that always seems to live in the console room, her bare legs swung over his lap and head resting on his shoulder. Their breathing has returned to normal by now but a fine layer of sweat is still drying on both their bodies. 

He tries to frown at her but finds it impossible when she’s sitting on his lap wearing just her underwear and a soft smile. “Bowties are -”

“You say that one more time and I’ll choke you with the damn bowtie. You and your ridiculous ideas of ‘cool’.” Her words are stern but her tone teasing. “Mind you,” she continues as she runs her hands to his braces and slips her fingers under them. “I must say I do like these.”

“Oh really?” He flirts back.

“Mm hmm,” she confirms, before leaning close to speak low into his ear; “they give me something to hold on to.”

He smirks, chuckling a little as he runs his hands up her back. “Oh River Song you are a bad girl.”

“Oh, you haven‘t seen bad yet.”

It’s his turn to speak into her ear, “Well why don’t you show me just how bad you can be?”

She shivers lightly and smiles at him before sitting up and stretching a little. “Hold that thought sweetie, I think we could use some refreshments before we’re ready to go again don’t you?”

He smiles at her and taps her nose fondly. “There’s champagne from eighteenth century France in the kitchen, only picked it up last week.”

“Well then,” she says as she gets to her feet and scoops up the tweed jacket that had been lying abandoned on the floor and slips it on. “I’ll be right back.” And with a wink to him, she turns and sashays off.

The Doctor smiles to himself as he watches her curly head of hair disappear down the stairs and out of the room. He pulls out the high-heeled shoe that had somehow ended up stuffed a little uncomfortably between his back and the chair and fiddles with it, spinning it by the heel as he absently swings in his swivel chair from side to side.

“Doctor!” Comes a sudden Scottish voice as the main door bursts open and two familiar figures fall through it. “Oh I’m so glad we found you, we managed to outrun them but then these even bigger guys came out with like electric swords or something and we - what are you doing?”

“What? Me! Nothing!” The Doctor had nearly fallen out of his chair in surprise at seeing the two and flails about a bit as he spins to face them, hurriedly pulling his open shirt together.

“I - you…where’s your jacket - and your bow-tie?” Amy eyes his shirt suspiciously as he pulls it together tighter. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without it…”

“It uh - I was busy - very busy, you know busy…running and things - and it was hot. I got too hot so I - well I took it off. When I got back here”

“Ok…” Says Rory, slightly suspicious of his flustered rambling. “Well we - is that a shoe?”

“What this? No!” He tosses it over his shoulder. “Well yes, it was, but - it’s not important,“ he folds his arms tightly round himself, “you were saying?”

“Well yeah,” Amy continues, giving him a bit of an odd look but plunging on none-the-less. “We couldn’t find the Tardis, but we did eventually - obviously - but we lost you - before - and we needed you to -” She breaks off suddenly at the sound of another voice and a figure rounding the corner -

“Sweetie I couldn’t find any champagne so I - oh! Amy! Rory!” River says in surprise, stopping dead in her tracks when she sees them. Her eyes dart quickly over to the mortified Doctor then flicker down the items she holds in her hands; a bottle of wine and handcuffs. She quickly hides the latter behind her back. “Mum and dad…” she confirms. “Well…” She clears her throat and gives a forced smile. “This is awkward.”

“River,” the Doctor points at her, “And I ran into each other and she was just…fetching some refreshments for us while we…work on updating the Tardis’ internal extroccerlating locator device…you know so we could…locate you two and…come and save you…” He nods. 

“Right…” Amy raises her eyebrows, glancing at River then at the Doctor then back to River again. “Figuring out how to save us…in just a jacket?…The Doctor‘s jacket?” She says very pointedly.

“Well…it was a bit too cold to go and fetch the wine in just my underwear…”

“Amy!” Rory suddenly says loudly. “I think it’s time we’re leaving don’t you!”

“Yeah, definitely. Definitely leaving time - nice to see you’re both here, and safe and all but I think we better be going!” 

“Yes and - uh - it’s great to see you River,” Rory adds as an after-thought, “I’m assuming you know we know you’re…you…now because you and the Doctor are…yeah…but it’s good to see you, and see you’re alright.” He goes to turn but then pauses then points at the Doctor in warning, “and if you had been any other man…you’d be dead right now.”

“Rory!” Amy scolds, rolling her eyes as she drags him away by the arm. 

“What? She’s my daughter I’m just saying.” 

The two exit the Tardis, shutting the door swiftly behind them, turn to see about fifty sticky-lasso-wielding-aliens and at least ten with electric swords and bundle quickly back into the blue box. 

“Yeah, leaving that way,” Amy corrects, pointing to the Tardis corridor. The two scoot quickly past their daughter and the red-faced Doctor and hurry up the stairs to the top corridor.

Amy stops as she gets to the top and turns to face them. “You know it’s nice to know you were both worried when we were out there you know - fearing for out lives and nearly dieing and all that,” she sticks her thumb up sarcastically, “great to know we’re loved.”

“Oh…no!” The Doctor denies quickly, “We’ve got a time machine - we were going to come and save you after!”

River rolls her eyes. “Not helping Doctor.”

“So not helping.” Amy agrees. “And please,” She turns back to say with pleading eyes, “next time can you…lock the door or something? Especially if there’s handcuffs involved! God knows what we would have seen if we hadn‘t have escaped as soon as we did!”

River has the decency to blush as Rory splutters, “What!?” And Amy mutters at him to ‘never mind’ as the couple disappear round the corner and out of sight. 

The Doctor whips his head round to River. “Handcuffs!?”

She pulls them out from behind her back, dangling them off one finger. 

“What -” He fumbles for something to say about the whole situation but all he can come up with is; “why do you have handcuffs?”

Despite the previous awkward atmosphere she can’t help but smile at his flustered appearance and wide eyes as he stares at the item in her hand. “Well.” She shrugs, pasting a pseudo-innocent look on her face as she begins to stroll slowly towards him. 

“River…” He says cautiously in a low warning tone with narrowed eyes. 

She sits herself back down on his lap and kisses him deeply, her tongue pushing it’s way into his mouth and the Doctor can’t help but groan as he kisses her back. When she pulls back he moves to wrap his arms round her - to find he can’t. “River!” He cries in astonishment as he struggles against the metal keeping his wrists now pinned to the back of the chair.

She grins and leans forward to whisper in his ear, “you did say you wanted bad, Doctor…”


	4. Family Reunions

_River Song._

_River…River Song._

_No! Daleks, cyber men, slitheen…River Song._ Her curly hair, her flirtatious smile…it was no use. She is all he can think about today. And yesterday…and all the time lately, really. Ever since he dropped off the Ponds and he’s been travelling alone, she seems to be a constant on his mind. Damn it. 

He misses her, and he wants to see her and he doesn’t want to wait for her to call him or for fate to be the cause of them meeting again…he gives in. With a loud huff of defeat the Doctor finally gives in. 

“I give up!” He proclaims loudly, shooting to his feet and dashing to the console and starting to pull levers. “Take me to her old girl. Take me to see River!” And with a loud whirring noise the Tardis stirs to life as if she’d been waiting for this very command (it’s possible she had, knowing it would come eventually) and the Doctor grins madly and darts round the console, pushing buttons and pulling levers to keep up with the Tardis as she sets her course. 

When they land he practically falls out of the doors and without taking in his surroundings or pausing to take note of when and where he is, he stumbles forwards and knocks loudly on the door in front of him. 

It takes a few moments of his insistent banging for the door to open and he manages to use the time to pull himself together slightly, so much that he is able to be standing there composed and with a grin on his face when the door does swing open. 

River Song indeed stands in the doorway and the surprise is evident on her face. “Doctor!”

“River! Don’t I get a ‘hello sweetie’?” He grins at her. 

“Hello sweetie,” she obliges, rolling her eyes slightly. “What do you want?”

“Me? Nothing.” 

She raises an eyebrow at him. “Nothing?” 

“Nope, nothing. Can I come in?”

She smiles at him then. “Of course,” and steps aside to let him stroll past her with a grin as she shuts the door behind him. She walks past him, making to lead him into the house out of the hallway but is stopped by his hand on her arm. She turns to look at him quizzically. 

“Actually that’s a lie, I do want something.”

“Ah.” She sighs slightly. “Of course you do you alw-”

He cuts her short when he pushes her none too gently into the wall behind her and presses himself against her. “You.”

Evidently surprised by this side of him she doesn’t often see, she can only stammer, “Wh - what?”

“I want you.” And with this he presses his lips to hers and attempts to kiss her deeply. Attempting is all he is apparently able to do, as he realises after a few short moments that she doesn’t seem to be responding. At about the same time she pushes him back gently with hands on his chest. 

“Um - Doctor, I don’t think this is -”

“What is it, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s _wrong_ honey it’s just -”

“I want you River,” he pushes himself, if possible, closer to her. “You look beautiful,” he tells her seriously as he runs his hands over her body, encased in a tight top and simple pair of jeans. 

“Thank you, but I -”

“I _need_ you, I’ve missed you so much and I need you now…”

“Sweetie, I’ve missed you too,” she hushes him, “I always miss you, but it’s just that I don’t think right now -”

“Why not? Right now is as good a time as any. Right now is the best time, you should always do things right now when you want to do them, and right now I want to do _you,_ River…”

He tries to kiss her again but she ducks away this time to look at him sternly. “Sweetie, really. You should probably come in.”

She tries to look at him meaningfully but he just smirks, and makes to follow her as she takes his hand to lead him into the open door just a few steps down the hall from where they had been. 

“Well yes, coming in might be a good idea,” He rambles as they go. “I have no qualms about doing it in a hallway but something like a sofa is always more -”

He stops abruptly as soon as he rounds the corner and freezes mid sentence and step, his mouth open. 

“…comfortable.” He finishes awkwardly. _Very_ awkwardly. “…Amy. Rory.” He looks back and forth from the redhead and her husband to River…their daughter, for a few seconds. “…Hello.” 

River clears her throat. The Doctor clears his. Amy and Rory just look at him. He inches closer to River, and tries to mutter out of the corner of his mouth at her, but since the room is deathly quiet it is really pointless. “Why didn’t you tell me your parents were here?”

“I _tried to,_ ” she mutters back. “And actually sweetie, you probably should have guessed since you’re in _their_ house. And _I’m_ the one that’s here.”

The Doctor looks at the couple again. “Ohh! Oh yes, right. Of course. Of course this is your house, Amy and Rory. I should know, I gave it to you!” He grins nervously and fiddles with his bowtie. “Just thought I’d pop by for a visit, see how you were doing and all, nice to see you’re doing well, must be off, toodaloo!”

He spins on his heel and makes to leave the room but Amy is quicker than him and shoots to her feet. “Not so fast Doctor! We haven’t seen you in four bloody months, and since you just accosted out daughter in the hallway I think you can at least stay for a cup of tea, yeah?”

Still looking very, very embarrassed, the Doctor looks between the three people in the room again. Rory isn’t looking best pleased with him, River doesn’t seem too phased by it all and Amy…well actually he thinks she’s smiling. He tentatively smiles back and then she breaks into a grin. She’s definitely smiling. He relaxes a little and turns back round properly. “Of course, I love tea, me, tea’s great!”

Amy laughs a little and steps forward to hug him tightly. “Oh it’s good to see you, you great idiot!”

When they pull away he turns towards Rory who has also gotten to his feet. “Rory the Roman!” He greets him grandly. “How are you!”

Rory doesn’t smile back, instead he points at River who is watching the reunion quietly and tells him sternly, “She is not to be treated like that. She is a human being, she has feelings, you cannot just - just drop out of the sky whenever you feel like and, and just - _do that_ \- with her, that’s not fair, and that’s not respecting her,” his mouth is open to continue his slightly awkward rant but River cuts him off, stepping between him and the Doctor. 

“Oh Rory, calm down. I’d say you’re not my father, but…well you are, but honestly. You don’t need to try to be. I’m a big girl, and it’s fine. He does respect me and really, it’s _fine._ ” She turns to look at the Doctor and gives him a little wink. “And I don’t mind. You can drop in on me and do _that_ whenever you like sweetie just please, next time make sure I’m alone before you do.”

The Doctor is now bright red, and Rory too, is a rather deep shade of pink. Amy covers her face with her hand, shaking her head slightly. 

River strolls over to the nearest sofa and sits herself down. “Well.” She proclaims. “Nothing like a nice awkward silence to break the ice at a family reunion.” 

The Doctor looks from her to Rory for a few seconds and stammers a bit a couple of times as if he is going to say something but can’t find the words. Finally, he speaks. “I think there’s only one thing we can do at a time like this.” He swallows slightly and gives Amy a tentative grin. “Pond - put the kettle on!”


	5. Phone Sex

Tweed off, shirt sleeves rolled up, the Doctor is humming to himself as he tinkers with wires underneath the console. He’s trying to make the gym re-appear, but that’s just an excuse - he never uses it anyway - he just enjoys spending time under here. It’s peaceful and he feels close to the Tardis down here, the warm blue light of her heart glowing up through the Time Rotor and the soothing humming reverberating gently through the floor. 

The phone rings but he has a bundle of wires in one hand and his screwdriver in the other so putting the tool briefly in his mouth he reaches up to press a button, putting the phone on speaker so he can continue. 

“Hello!” He answers cheerfully. 

“Hello sweetie,” purrs the voice down the phone. 

He smiles to himself. “Melody Pond! How the hell are you?”

He can hear her grinning through phone. “Oh good it’s later you. And someone’s in a good mood.”

“I’m always in a good mood, when have you ever known me in a not good mood?”

“I hope you don’t want a list because it would take a while.”

“Alright, alright,” he grumbles a bit, “so sometimes I’m not in a good mood but today I am! So, what can I do for you Doctor Song?”

“Hmm you could fly yourself over here right now.”

“I could do - but why didn’t you just beam yourself here if you wanted to, I know you have no qualms about letting yourself in.”

She laughs. “I know. But well…I just felt like talking to you. Are you on your own?”

“Presently, yes. Your parents are asleep. Where are you calling from?”

“Prison. But not on their phone - you only get a minute. I’m in my cell. Alone.”

“Well yes,” he mutters as he twists round to try and join two wires. “You do tend to be alone in solitary confinement.” 

Another small laugh. “Yes sweetie, but I mean I’m _very_ alone right now. No guards, no cameras…”

“What happened to the cameras?” He asks around his sonic that he’s wedged between his teeth to use both hands. 

“I disabled them,” she says flippantly. 

He takes out the screwdriver to point it at something, making a spark and a ‘pop’. “What happened to the guards?”

He can practically hear her wicked grin down the phone. “I disabled them.”

 _“River,”_ he chides her, not really cross. “You are a very bad girl, it must be hell to be a prison guard on your block.”

“Oh, it is.”

“And why, may I ask, did those poor guards have to suffer?”

“Well I wanted to call you sweetie and didn’t want anyone listening in…”

“You could have just spoken quietly.”

She laughs a laugh he doesn’t understand. 

“So my love…what are you doing?”

“Right now? Trying to find the gym but so far I’ve only managed to loose the games room and move the wardrobe to the third floor. She’s not co-operating with me. Are you dear?”

“Honey, I’m sure she’s just fed up with you tinkering with things down there and fixing things that don’t need to be fixed all the time. You never leave her alone.”

“Well if she didn’t keep moving and deleting things I wouldn’t have to.”

“She’s a woman sweetie, we like to keep things tidy.”

He grumbles about it under his breath. 

“So…” River says, and the Doctor notices her voice drop a little. “What are you wearing?”

“What? Well I’m wearing what I always wear River, why do you want to know that?”

“I just want to imagine you right now sweetie. So you’ve got your tweed on…”

“Nope. Too uncomfortable to work in.”

“Ah, sleeves rolled up, bow-tie undone?”

“How did you -”

“I know you too well my love. Oh - you’re not wearing those stupid goggles are you?”

“There’s nothing wrong with my goggles! They’re excellent goggles that do all sorts of cool things.”

“They look ridiculous. Take them off.”

“What! I’m not taking my goggles off!”

“Take them off, Doctor, or I’m hanging up.”

“Well hang up then. Why do you care if I’m wearing goggles or not while I’m talking to you? You can’t see me!”

“But I know you’re wearing them now and they really kill the mood sweetie. Just take them off.”

“Kill what mood?”

“Doctor! Please. Take them off.” 

Giving a loud huff , he yanks them off and drops them down beside him, wondering why he was obeying her. “There, I’ve taken them off. Happy?”

“Very. So…” She trails off suggestively, sounding like she’s waiting for him to say something. 

“So what?”

“Well aren’t you going to ask me what _I’m_ wearing?”

“I wasn’t going to, no.” He replies absently as he squints to concentrate on a fiddly bit of electrics he’s trying to re-wire. “But you can tell me if you like.”

“Well…would you like me to?”

“To what?”

“To tell you what I’m wearing?” Her voice sounds a little irate. 

“What? Oh - damn it!” He curses as a whole section of wire lights go out. 

“Doctor! Are you even listening to me?”

“What? Yes, of course I’m listening…what did you say?”

“Doctor!” She sounds cross now. 

“Sorry, sorry! I’m listening - go on.”

He hears her huff. “You were _going_ to ask me what I’m wearing.”

“Was I?”

“Yes.” She replies sternly. 

“But I don’t really care what you’re wearing…”

_“Doctor!”_

“Fine, fine!” He quickly amends at her very irritable tone. An irate River is something he tends to try and avoid at all costs. “Tell me what you’re wearing.”

He can hear a smile down the phone. “Well, I just had a shower so I’m in my bath robe,” she says in a sweet, low voice. 

“That’s…nice,” he says, not really sure how she’d expected him to reply. 

“Mmm but it’s really hot in here…I might have to take it off.”

“Mm hmm,” he murmurs absently as he concentrates on fusing two small wires together.

“Doctor!” 

He jumps a little at her sharp tone. “What?”

“Do you want me to?”

“To what?”

“To take it off!”

“Um - I don’t mind really, River. If you’re hot then I suppose it would be a good idea.”

“Oh for -” he hears her huff loudly. “Right. Lets try something else. What are you thinking of right now?”

“What?”

“I’m thinking about you,” she says, her voice husky.

“Well yes,” he mutters in reply as he picks up a good old fashioned spanner to loosen a stubborn bolt. “I’m not surprised since you’re talking to me.”

Ignoring his comment she continues; “I’m thinking about you being here right now, about you kissing me…”

The Doctor pauses in what he’s doing. “Um -”

“I’m thinking about you touching me Doctor…” She breathes out a sigh and drops her voice another octave. “And sliding your hands inside my robe…”

He drops the spanner. “River!”

“Yes sweetie, I like it when you say my name,” she purrs. 

“I…”

“Why don’t you take your shirt off my love? You’ve got too many clothes on.”

“What - I’m not -”

“It’s hardly fair when I’m naked is it?”

He flails and drops his sonic this time. “I thought you had your robe on!” He says, his voice slightly higher than usual. 

“I did. I got too hot thinking of you.”

“…”

“So…what do you want me to do, Doctor?”

“Um - about what?”

“Now!” She snaps. “What do you want me to do _now!’?_ ”

“What? I don’t…know…?”

“Doctor,” he can hear her grinding the words out through her teeth. “I’m sitting here, on my bed, in my cell, all alone, totally naked and thinking about you - _what do you want me to do?”_

“What - well - I don’t know - I…what…is there a reply I’m supposed to make…?”

“Oh for God’s sake!” The phone clicks dead. 

Looking baffled, the Doctor shakes his head. “Women,” he mutters. 

“You know,” he suddenly hears a very familiar, very Scottish voice. “For someone who claims to be a genius you really can be a complete dummy sometimes Doctor.”

“Amy!” He exclaims, panicked as he spins to see her descending the stairs to where he’s sitting under the console. “How long have you been there?”

She fixes him with a look. “Long enough.”

Deciding he’s no reason to be embarrassed he crosses his arms. “Yes, well. You shouldn’t be listening in on people’s private conversations. I’m disappointed in you Amelia Pond.”

“Oh please. Like you’ve got a right to take the moral high ground. And that was my daughter on the end so I had a right to listen in.”

“Well I can tell you, your daughter’s lost the plot! And people call _me_ mad!”

Rolling her eyes exaggeratedly, Amy sighs and leans her arms on the railing of the stairs. “She has not gone mad you great idiot, you’re just too slow to catch on!”

“Catch on to what?”

“She was trying to have phone sex with you Doctor! Oh my God, how can you be so old and this clueless!?”

“What!?” He gasps, going a bit red. “No she wasn’t!”

“Yes, she was.”

“No - she wasn’t!”

There is a flash as he speaks and another occupant is standing in the room. “Yes, I was.”

“River! What are you doing here?“ He quickly notices her bath robe. “Are you…”

“The River you were just speaking to? Yes. And I’m here because you failed so miserably at phone sex I decided to just do it the old fashioned way and come see you.”

“River!” The Doctor flails his arms around in a panic, motioning frantically to her mother. “Amy is here!”

She rolls her eyes. “I noticed sweetie. Hi mum,” she shoots a grin at her mother. 

Amy raises an eyebrow. “Hello River.”

“So shall we?”

He stares at her with an expression much like a startled deer. “Shall we what?”

“Goodness me we are slow today aren’t we? Go to your room, Doctor.”

His eyes go wider and flick frantically over to Amy. “River! - Pond - _mother_ \- over there!”

She raises an eyebrow, a smile on her lips as she glances at her mother. “Amy doesn’t care.”

“Amy _does_ care when Amy’s in the room.” Says the redhead pointedly. “God, I get that you two are doing it can you not just be a bit more discrete? You’re my daughter, that alone is weird enough without being reminded that your also having sex with my best friend.” 

River laughs loudly. “To be fair, mother, he is my husband too.”

“Which is lovely but…still weird.”

“Sorry dear. Guess I just could never really help myself around him.” She gives the Doctor a seductive smirk and licks her lips. He swallows hard and tugs at his shirt collar. 

“Ugh. You’re worse than me. This is making me feel awkward. I’ll see you later.” With that and a look of slight disgust on her face, Amy turns and climbs back up the stairs but pauses at the top and sticks her head back down. “And try and keep the noise down this time!” She tells them, glaring at the Doctor. “I’d really rather _not_ be able to count the number of orgasms you give my daughter thanks.” And with that she disappears.

“Amelia!” The Doctor exclaims, his face a beetroot red as he gapes after her in shock. Although River laughs even she has the decency to blush. “Don’t be so - you could _not!_ ”

“Four!” Amy’s voice calls out as she walks off.

“…It was five actually,” he mutters as her footsteps fade from the room. 

“Four,” River confirms. 

“What?”

Another laugh and a shrug. “She’s my mother.”

“Yes, and _you_ ,” he pokes her on the nose, “Are definitely her daughter. Don’t know why I put up with you Pond women really.”

Grinning at him, she steps in close to slip her arms round his waist. “It’s because you love us.”

He smiles, and leans in for a kiss, pecking her sweetly on the lips. “I can’t argue with that.”


	6. Christmas at the Ponds

 

 

It had been the Doctor’s idea to go to her parents’ for Christmas, actually. It would probably be strange for most people really, River thought; your husband wasn’t supposed to get on with the in-laws and yet hers was their best friend before she’d even been born.

 

River hadn’t been sure about the idea - for her, they hadn’t been married for long and this was only their second Christmas together (she’d gathered the number was considerably higher for this particular Doctor) and she’d wanted to spend it somewhere quiet with just him. Somewhere quiet and hot, maybe. A white Christmas was just fine as far as far she was concerned, as long as the white substance was sand on a tropical beach.

 

But, he’d been adamant, waving around the Christmas card containing the invite and guilt tripping her with how upset her mother and father would be if they didn’t go, even though, as River pointed out, they could just go for their next Christmas trip and Amy and Rory would never know any different.

 

She’d caved in the end, because, if she was honest, once he stared talking about Christmas dinner and mulled wine and presents under the tree it did all sound rather lovely. And rather like the Christmas she’d always wanted as a child but had never had.

 

So, here they were, in her parents’ house at Christmas, specifically in the guest/her bedroom in her parent’s house. It was late now, nearly midnight on Christmas Eve and after much mulled wine and cake and chatter, the two couples had bid their goodnights and gone off to bed. The Doctor had actually followed her up the stairs and into the bedroom which surprised her slightly; he rarely slept and she’d half expected him to fly off on some adventure to entertain himself until Christmas morning but here he was, kicking his shoes off and sitting back on the bed.

 

“Are you tired Sweetie?” River asks him as she rifles through her suitcase.

 

He shrugs and smiles at her. “Not particularly.”

 

“You’re staying? I’m surprised.”

 

Another shrug.  “Just felt like staying with you. It is Christmas, River. I want to spend it with my wife.”

 

He gives her another soft smile and she feels herself melt at his words. She smiles back and holds his gaze for a moment before an idea occurs to her, and her smile turns into a slightly mischievous grin.

 

He narrows his eyes. “What?”  
  
“Do you want an early Christmas present?”

 

His face lights up. 

“Really?”

 

She bites her lip, still smiling, and nods. “I _was_ saving it for tomorrow night but as you’re here…”

 

He sits up straight on the bed, “What is it?” He asks, and looks so much like a six year old child that she has to roll her eyes.

 

“Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Just wait here.” Sliding a bag out of the bottom of her suitcase, she slips out the room with it before he can see and leaves him waiting impatiently on the bed for her to return.

 

The Doctor has never been very good at waiting for anything and he fiddles, and fidgets, and half-considers going after her several times but decides his wife would probably be very cross and forces himself to wait.

 

Eight minutes and nineteen and a half seconds pass before the door opens, and when it finally does, the Doctor’s jaw drops.

 

His wife stands with her back to the door as she closes it behind her, a grin on her face and, well… not _much_ else on, really.

 

Well no, she has an outfit on alright, it’s just that there’s not very much of it. Her tanned legs are encased in translucent black stockings, and slipped into ankle length boots, and she wears… he supposes it’s a _skirt_ but it’s the smallest piece of material he’s ever seen to be called one, which is scarlet red with a white fluff edging. Her _top_ matches, which, really, is only a piece of fabric over her chest, more of a glorified bra really and it’s doing wonderful things to those breasts of hers. A red Santa’s hat perched on top of her curls completes the ensemble.

 

“I…River…!” Is all he can manage after several moments of gawping.

 

“You like?” She asks, raising a hand and giving a twirl, before planting both hands on her hips. “Thought it was rather festive.”

 

He swallows. “Yes, it is. Very festive.”

 

She laughs and he looks her up and down again.

 

“Are you meant to be Father Christmas?”

The grin fades from her face. “ _No_ ,” she tells him firmly and a bit irately. “I am _not_ meant to be Father Christmas sweetie, I am a woman.”

 

“… I can see that.”

 

“I’m glad.”

 

“So… what are you meant to be then?”

 

She shrugs and glances down at herself. “Mrs. Christmas?”

 

A slow smile comes to the Doctor’s face.

  
“Does that make _me_ Father Christmas then?”

 

This earns him another one of those laughs he loves so much. “If you like.”

 

He is outright grinning at her now, and swings his legs over the side of the bed to sit up straight. “Well.” He pats his lap. “Why don’t you come and sit on my knee then?”

 

River gives him another cheeky laugh and strides towards him slowly, her heels clicking on the laminate floor. She stops in front of him and, “Well,” she says, her voice low and seductive. “I _have_ been a very good girl this year. Do you think my name might be on the ‘nice’ list so I can get a present?”

 

“Oh River Song,” he replies, “I’m sorry to say but your name is _always_ on the naughty list.”

 

She laughs but bumps his leg playfully with her foot. “Cheeky.”

 

“You love it.”

 

“I do.”

 

“So…” he says when she doesn’t move and pats his legs again.

 

She grins that grin at him and then his jaw drops for the second time that night when she promptly slips her knickers down her legs from underneath her skirt and steps out of them before, arms on his shoulders, she places one knee on the bed each side of his legs and sits in his lap.

 

“R-River!” Is all he can stammer as she still grins at him and cheekily slides against him in that way that makes him suck in a sharp breath.

 

Her hand slips down to pop open the button on his trousers as she leans forwards to press a lingering kiss to his cheek. “Yes sweetie?”

 

“We… we can’t do this here!”

 

She pauses, and sits back to look at him. “Doctor. You just told me to sit on your lap.”

 

He flushes bright red. “Yes, but I didn’t _mean_ -”

 

“And what did you _think_ I got dressed up like this for?”

 

“I… well - I just thought there’d be some kissing, and cuddling, and lots of touching most probably but River… not _that!_ We can’t do that here!”

 

She raises an eyebrow at him, then smiles and leans in to kiss his neck just under his jaw. “Why not?” She purrs.

 

“We’re in your parents’ house!” He splutters.       

 

“So?”

 

“They’re two doors down!”

 

“I can be quiet.”

“You _can’t_.”

 

“I can.”

“You can _not -_ and anyway that’s not the point - it would be rude and - and wrong! And River Song, you are a _bad_ influence on me!” He scolds her as he realises his hands are pulling her closer, gripping the bare flesh of her waist.

 

She lets out a little giggle by his ear as she gives the lobe a playful nip with her teeth. “You said it Santa… I’m always on the naughty list.”

“River,” he growls in warning, but knows his resolve is rapidly fading.

                                                              

“Doctor,” she growls back, unzipping him and slipping a hand inside his trousers.

 

He pulls her closer still and moves one hand to her thigh. “Oh you _better_ be quiet,” he speaks in her ear, knowing there’s no point in arguing any longer.

 

“Mmm hmm,” she grins against his neck before tilting her head to capture his lips with hers.

 

They kiss deeply and slowly, although it speeds up quickly as hands and needs become more urgent. The Doctor falls backwards and River with him, sitting back up only briefly to bat his useless frantic hands away and unfasten her top for him. He pulls it from her and she falls back down on top of him, kissing him again for all she’s worth.

 

She’s far more than half naked now so it’s only fair that he is too, she decides, shoving his jacket from him so her fingers can make quick work of his bow-tie and the buttons of his shirt. He rolls them to pin her under him before she can pull it totally off, and she only vaguely registers the suitcase toppling off the bed with an almighty thud and then she forgets about it anyway when he sucks her tongue into his mouth and the bare skin of their torsos press together.

 

She does, however, very much remember the crash the suitcase made when ten seconds later, the door bursts open.

 

There is a shriek, from Amy, she believes, and then a lot of swearing from her, and even the Doctor as he scrambles off her and she grabs her top, clutching it tight against her chest - although, by this point, both her parents have their eyes covered anyway.

 

“Haven’t you ever heard of knocking!” River spits at them, harshly, she knows, but she is rather startled.

 

“Bloody hell!” Amy swears, her eyes still covered. “Sorry, but we heard a crash! And this is the Doctor, pardon us if we immediately think you’re both in some kind of mortal danger!”

 

“Yeah,” agrees Rory from behind his hands, although he has turned his back to them as well, “and it’s not like we’d exactly expected you to be doing… this… kind of – thing _here_!” He stammers awkwardly.

 

“Right, I mean seriously you two,” Amy complains, peeking nervously out between her fingers. When she sees that her daughter has slipped the Doctor’s tweed on and is pulling it round herself and the Doctor is now buttoning his shirt, she lowers her hands to place them on her hips. “It’s bad enough to do that in someone else’s house anyway but we’re your _parents_ River, and I know it’s in kind of a weird way but we still are! And you!” She aims her cross gaze at the Doctor. “I don’t expect this kind of thing from _you_ , Doctor! We were two doors away!”

 

“That’s what I said!” The Doctor claims, still very flustered. “Your daughter is a force not to be reckoned with!”

 

River rolls her eyes.

 

“River!” Amy scolds. “We’re your parents!”

 

“I am aware of that.”

 

“Couldn’t you have… gone to the Tardis or something!? Or have just _controlled_ yourself when you’re in our house! You two have all the time in the world - literally! - To do this sort of thing!”

 

River opens her mouth to reply but Rory has turned round and addresses his wife first. “Um - Amy. Not to disagree with you here but I really don’t think this is something you can be lecturing her about - she certainly didn’t get it from my side of the family.”

 

Amy frowns at him and opens her mouth to argue but he continues.

 

“Just - try and keep the noise down, please,” he says to his daughter and her husband, cringing a little, then takes hold of Amy’s arm. “Come on, it’s Christmas eve, lets leave them alone.”

 

River grins at him. “Thanks dad.”

 

“Rory!” Amy protests.

 

“Come on,” he says, tugging her out of the room to close the door.

 

The two left in the room turn and look at each other for a moment before River bursts out laughing.

 

Still red, the Doctor exclaims, “River! This is _not_ funny!”

 

“Sweetie,” she says, her laughter dying down. “My parents just saw me practically naked. If I don’t laugh I think I’ll cry.”

 

He sighs heavily. “Well you know that was entirely your fault.”

 

“My fault!? Excuse me but I believe _you_ were the one who knocked the suitcase on the floor!”

 

“But it was your fault we were doing… _that_ in the first place!”

 

She sighs, rolling her eyes as she shuffles closer to him. “Well. This is all going to make for rather awkward conversations over Christmas dinner tomorrow.”

 

-x-

 

River had been very right, the Doctor finds out; the previous night’s rather embarrassing moment _did_ make for awkward conversations round the dinner table - although the meal started off so well. They had spent the first part of Christmas day totally ignoring the elephant in the room and pretending nothing had happened the night before… except for Amy, who delighted in asking them if they’d slept well when they appeared in the morning. 

 

“Well, we all know Santa came, don’t we?” She’d quipped with a smirk as she made them tea.

 

“ _Amy!”_ River had exclaimed as the Doctor choked a bit beside her, outraged at her mother’s remark.

 

“What? I was referring to the presents under the tree.”

 

It is dinner time now, and the four are seated round the table, so far having a lovely, surprisingly normal, family dinner. The wine had been poured out, Rory was cutting the Turkey and crackers were being pulled.

 

Turns out, crackers from two hundred years in the future have much improved in quality. It’s also quite exciting to see what size present will pop out, the largest they’ve got so far is an inflatable bubble chair, already inflated. The Doctor has a great time babbling on about compression fields as way of explaining how it works but nobody really listens.

 

“Oh look, I got a Santa hat!” Exclaims Rory.

 

“I’ll have it!” The Doctor quickly replies, his face lighting up. River quickly grabs his hand before he can take it from her father.

 

“You are _not_ putting that on your head. I know you and hats, you’d be wearing it all year.”

 

The Doctor sinks back in his chair, looking sulky.

 

“Plus,” Amy chimes in, “I think River prefers to be the one impersonating Santa anyway.”

 

The two males in the room go red, and River has had enough. “ _Mother_ ,” she grinds out through gritted teeth crossly. “Can we maybe _not_ mention that thanks.”

 

“Ohh no way,” she teases her daughter. “You are never living that down.”

 

River glares at her. “You really don’t want to do this Amy, you forget I grew up with you as my best friend. I know things about you and dad that no girl should about her parents, so let’s not start with the teasing about dressing up okay?”

 

Amy is silent for a moment before she slowly pales. “Right,” she says, suddenly very interested in the veg she’s dishing herself out. “No more going there, got it. Never happened.”

 

“Thank you,” replies River.

 

“What?” Asks Rory, his confusion matching the Doctor’s as they look between the two women.

 

“Let’s just say I’ve told Mels things I _definitely_ wouldn’t have done if I’d known she was my daughter and leave it at that okay?” Amy replies quickly. Rory’s face pales a little too as he takes that in.

 

“Right,” he says.

 

The four _all_ find their food very interesting for the next five minutes, and also decide commenting on how nice it is, is a good way to avoid the awkwardness.

 

After another uncomfortable silence, River mutters mostly under her breath, although she intends for the Doctor to hear her, “I knew we should have gone to Hawaii.”

 

Amy looks at the two before she sighs heavily and then rises to her feet. “Who’s for a drink? It’s Christmas, right? Why don’t we break open something stronger than the wine?”

 

Everyone, even the Doctor, heartily agrees.

 

Once the drinks are poured out and they all have a good few measures down them, the pleasant atmosphere returns, and River begins to think that actually, it has been rather nice to spend Christmas with her parents as well as her husband. And it manages to stay that way… until, as they are seated round the tree, handing out and unwrapping gifts, River gives the Doctor a pair of striped, silken boxers as a Christmas present. And the awkwardness returns.

 

When they get back to the Tardis that night, River sighs heavily as soon as they close the door, leaning back against it. “Next year, sweetie, _I_ decide where we spend Christmas.”

 

“I have absolutely no problem with that,” the agrees. “And this is probably the first and last time I’ll ever say this to you River, so savour it…” He looks at her very seriously. “But you were right.”

 

She laughs. “I always am, my love.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has 11 chapters in total so far so I'll post them all up soon, I'm currently going through and editing them before I do so though :)


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